Here today, gone tomorrow

I've been wondering. Wondering about how someone's here today and gone tomorrow.
When you really don't get to say your final goodbye.
When you don't know if you'd still be waking up to that annoying alarm clock or to a cliched white light.
When you don't know if you'd be able to finish the unfinished.
When you don't know if you'd be able say the unsaid.

It's scary when you're unsure about the next. But that's how the cookie crumbles, I suppose.
All we should do is make the best of now. Make every moment worth living for. Got issues? Talk them out, work them out. Can't solve 'em? Move on, walk ahead. There's a lot more to life than just dragging the old baggage. Be a go-getter. Make sense out of your life. Life isn't just books. Life isn't just parties. Life is much more. It is a purpose. It's an empty book and YOU'RE the author. Write it or shred it, that's up to you. But would you really throw it away when you can get to write your own life? When you can make it better?

They say it's already written. It's fate.
But I think life is what we make out of it. Don't blame it on karma. Don't blame it on destiny. If you are where you are, it is solely because of you. So make the most of it. Write your own destiny.











 

A tribute to my friend, M.

I woke up to my phone vibrating on a lazy Sunday morning.
"3 missed calls" , it said.
One of my classmates has been trying to call me since 4 in the morning. I called back.
"Remember M? She passed away today morning. We all are in the hospital." ( I prefer not taking the name)
I said "What?" , but in a very calm tone.
I wasn't shocked, yet. Still in denial. Did that really happen? Did I hear him right? I hung up, and sat up straight.

---------

During our first semester in the University, we had these introductory sessions in every class we went to.
It was the English class and everyone was just getting to know each other. Our Ma'am told us to write four words on the board which spoke about us but still don't give away everything.
We all had gone to the board and written words like "MUSIC" "FOOTBALL", etc, which almost gave away everything.
M walked towards the board and wrote "JACK".
We all wondered what Jack meant. She gave us a minute, saw our hopeless faces and said "Jack of all, master of none" , with an ear to ear smile. Well, yes she was. She could sing, dance, write, debate and what not. She did justice to that statement.

We had a couple of common classes together. And it was always a pleasure to have her around.
You could see her hopping around in the lobby with that black-angry-bird bag pack of hers.

Couple of days back, she and my classmate were running around the campus to get signatures of certain people for the Freshers' Party which we were organizing. I, on the other hand was driving around in my friend's car, learning how to drive in the third gear without making it a big deal.
I told I'd give them a ride.
They hopped in, thinking I was pro at driving.
Whenever I  released the clutch, the car stopped. This happened for about eight minutes.
I kept saying "God, this is so embarrassing."
M said "Hey, I don't even know how to put the key inside the thing. You're doing a good job. "
She called -releasing the clutch- a good job. Just so that I don't get de-motivated.
I smiled at her. Fortunately and thankfully, the next try was a success, and we took off.

----

I don't seem to recall as many memories with her. We weren't that close, either.
But she was a good friend of  mine, my batch-mate, my driving-motivator, if you may.
And this is a huge loss, for all of us.

M, you  better be smiling down upon us everyday. You'll be remembered and will forever remain in our hearts.

Departed

He flew half way across the world, just to see her
He could feel his heart beat like a drum
From the very moment he got the call from home
All that he was, was lost and glum

He was a few hundred miles away now
Shifting buses and taking rides
He thought there's no almighty above
and even if he is, he's not on my side.

As he got close to home,
His heart raced inside his chest
He ran swiftly to the front porch
Trying to catch hold of his breath.

He swung the door wide open
And dropped whatever he held
He saw his family weeping
But his tears, he withheld.

He walked towards his lil angel
Who was wrapped in a blanket
He hugged her close to his heart
And placed her carefully in the casket

He went inside her room 
Sat on her tiny bed
He heard something ruffle
He found a paper which read-

"My daddy is away fighting bad people
He is my super duper hero"
With a sketch of a man in a uniform.
He broke into tears.













 

The story of Kyle

Those big, strong boys, sneaked out of the lab,
Holding something moving in a brown paper bag.
They walked towards me , with a most evil smile,
I tried to blend with the other kids, when they screamed "There's Kyle!"
It wasn't the first time, but I wasn't resistant yet,
"Tried telling your mommy? This is what you get!"
They left after they emptied the brown bag in my shirt,
"I'll see your end!", I cried, running from the scorpion, I was hurt.
I went back home weeping, just like any other day
Mum took me to the therapist, again, today.
Few more sessions and I'd be fine, he said.
We drove back home in silence, and I went straight to bed.
To face another terrible day, I got up with a frown
My mum was on phone, as I dragged myself down.
"Go back to sleep, sweetie. The school's closed today.
It was declared as two of your friends passed away"
She hugged me tight and said, "It was Ron and Joe"
I thought to myself - 
"I'd see their end. I told them so..."

Fade

I stood under the golden sun.
I watched the trains go by.
Around I looked, I was the only one.
And wondered who left that sigh.
I stood there still, in the quiet.
I watched the moon take over
The sun set slowly, withdrew the rays
And I turned back only to discover-

An old man staring at the clock
With his robe abnormally thick,
He said "It's time, we shouldn't be here"
The spoiled clock said tik tok tik.

In disbelief, puzzled, I looked away.
Only to see, what looked like-
Me.

"You lost your love, wanted to lose your life"
Said the old man, as I started to fade.
"Stood close to a train" he whispered to me,
Pointing to the track on which my body lay.

I saw myself lie there helplessly
"Maybe there's still a beat?"
He nodded his head and grabbed my arm,
"Let's find you a body, you're incomplete."

Things

For every time I got vexed and said " *sigh*, okay!" whenever my mom asked me to light a diya in front of the God's idol in the evenings, every time I told my friends that I'm sleeping whenever they wanted to talk not keeping in mind that it might've been something important, every time I told people it was okay for things I would never be okay with, every time I made the same mistake knowingly, I hated myself. Every bit of myself. I wish I could go back and undo. But that's not how it works, does it. I cant just undo things. I can't go back in time.While many people think that going back in time and undoing stuff would be a boon, I say it's the worst thing that could happen. When am I going to learn from my mistakes in that case? Every time I'd make one, I'd just go back in time. That's just pathetic. But then again, here I am, making the same mistakes over and over and over again. I wish I'd learn someday.

Teenults : Post-love hate-zone

Teenults. When you're neither a teen nor an adult.

Usually this is what happens when you're jobless. You're online on facebook. No one to talk to. The same song has been playing on YouTube and you're probably looking at troll pages. You realize that one of your many-school-friends-whom-you-haven't-spoken-to-in-a-long-time is online (Obviously, of the opposite gender). The conversation starts with "Hey, sup? Long time no see" and ends after 5 odd hours with "oh yeah here's my number, I'll text you in a bit.." In a day or two, they think they're in love *which at that point cannot be argued about because they are SURE that they're in love*, ask each other out, get into a relationship, break up in a week (minimum), two and a half months (maximum) realizing that it was a big mistake (usually only one of them realizes that and dumps the other) There ends the love story even before it begins.

Now comes the hard part. Where you are reluctant to getting back to your old self.
You lose faith in the whole concept of love. You hate love.
You think life is unfair (usually the person who got dumped).
You become restless. Do things you'll later regret.
You'll also end up saying things like "Love is just one-sided devotion and a plastic smile at the other end" (which I personally feel will make a very good quote).

Well, I've observed this a lot. In many of my friends. I've been racking my brains about why people enter the "Hate-Zone" , post-love. It's not like they're not gonna love again. They know it too but still they want to hate everything around them. Maybe it's the heat of the moment( which obviously lasts more than a few days :s ). Or maybe cause they expect a lot from the other person? I've always wondered as to WHY they transform themselves into these hate-machines.

Having expectations on such a person is not wrong. But not having expectations is smart. You won't be let down in that case. At least, that's what I feel. Especially if you've know that person only for a little while. And even if you did have expectations, and you have been let down/dumped, people should just learn to accept the truth and move on. YES, it's hard. But is the sulking doing any good? Is piling up so much anger doing any good? Nah, not really. Instead, just accept it. You won't feel instantly good about it, but you eventually will. For sure. And keep reminding yourself that you're better than what you are at that moment, that you're obviously worth more and deserve more. That should do the work. OR, even better, prevention is better than cure. When you're talking to an old friend for hours together, especially when you're jobless, and you think there might be sparks flying, just be a lil' careful.

Teenults. They never fail to amuse me. I'm one of them. :)